Hey ladies!  Do you feel feel unattractive and undesirable when you line up at the local 5K?  Does playing basketball make you feel wistful for the other balls you’d really like to play with?  Well do not fear, dear ladies, because I am here to make sure you never, ever have to spend a single second of your life thinking about something other than being the best, bounciest sexbot you can possibly be.

The first thing you should do is get rid of your ratty old race t-shirts and ditch those baggy basketball shorts.  We are going for super sexy sexiness here, so get yourself some yoga pants – because we all know that yoga pants equal insta-boners for miles around – and squeeze your boobs into a tiny tank top.  The more skin showing, the better, because as one Cher Horowitz once said, “Sometimes you have to show a…